It is really a lonely wait

Most people who check out my blog are probably bored.  I pretty much just post pictures and give some stats as to where we are in the process.  I don't feel like I can really express everything I am feeling at any point in time because maybe I would sound petty or expect pity, but mainly because I believe that peope would realize how crazy I have become by this process.  When we started this process I never thought I would be that person who refreshed her email hundreds of times each day, who jumped every time a phone rang...especially on a Monday.  See it is on Monday when the largest amount of news comes from China.  Oh it trickles in the other days, but am I now living for each Monday.  Ugh, I used to hate Monday as it meant the start of a new work week, but now it means the possibility of the word that we are getting closer to getting our little girl.  So when Monday comes and goes and I haven't gotten an email for phone call it ruins the rest of my week. 

I get asked daily by someone when we get our little girl.  It is hard to say to them that it looks like it is going to be later, and then later again.  It is a very lonely feeling.  I really thought that we would fly through the steps, that we would the one family who caught the short end of every step and beat all the averages.  I was wrong.  At least so far.  We are on day 57 of our LOA wait and if Monday brings us news then we have finally beaten an average.  But I am almost afraid for Monday to come because that means if I don't hear anything that I have to begin the wait for the next Monday and I have to endure the pain and loneliness that the quiet brings.

It is this kind of day.  Lonely.  I know that one day...soon...the days will be filled with two little ones laughing and playing together.  We will be together and while my family is perfect right now it will be even more so.  In the meantime, we are spending the time planning for our future trip, making lists, figuring out what is best for our 6 year old son when we do travel.  It can be very overwhelming.  And lonely.

I would like to close with a picture of Elise's wall.  I painted a mural and it turned out pretty good.  I really hope she likes it.

And here is Wyatt, my hero, who has the best smile out there.  I hope he remembers he can do whatever he puts his mind to.  Man I love this little guy.

I read a quote online and it is very fitting (from Winnie the Pooh):
“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
― A.A. Milne